Throughout my life for one reason or another, I had believed that I was either adopted, unloved or unwanted. I had even been led to believe somehow that there was a desire to have me aborted before I was born. I had a difficult childhood that left me uncertain of myself, ashamed of being alive and I found myself in situations that would leave me with a death wish for how I felt based on the above.

 

Needless to say, I was not in the best shape. I cried out to God for healing or how I felt in my heart, which was a mixture of rage, numbness, anger and malice underneath my tempered Christian smile. God spoke to me so gently and told me he had to take me on a personal journey where he would minister to me personally and show me methods which the church did not understand at the time.

 

I did not understand why that would be the case, as I was so used to receiving prayer for healing, so I had no idea what God had in mind. Over the course of several weeks I would pray in the morning asking for healing in my heart, confessing how I felt and the lies I believed about myself but nothing could shift the emptiness that had crept in and the desolation I felt in my soul that made lay awake, crying and shaking every night for hours on end.

 

One day Jesus visited me and took me away in the spirit to a house. We both stood outside the house in the garden and we just looked at the exterior in silence. I was grieved at the state of the building, the windows were cracked, the lights were off, dust had gathered in spiderwebs in every corner and the picket fences were in tatters. The garden was a mess and weeds were all over the place.

 

Jesus spoke with a soft compassionate voice, “This is your heart Lee.”

 

His words hung in the air and I longed to hear him speak comfort to me but he stood in silence alongside me, his face radiant with a warm glow, while I stood feeling desolate and confused. I looked up towards the sky as rain fell cascaded down and the pitter-patter of raindrops hit the ground, which turned to brown mush under our feet. Jesus ushered me into the house and I followed.

 

As I stepped up to the porch, I noticed an old swing bench was held up by four ropes to the roof of the porch but it sagged on one side due to a loose rope and limply swung in the wind.

 

Jesus stood beside me as we looked through the front door and I expected Jesus to show me in, but he said we could only go in together if I wanted him to. I took a peek in through the broken window slats of the front door, which stood ajar and rocked in the wind. The door creaked as I pushed it open and we walked in to the front room. I tenderly walked over the rotten floorboards, which felt as though they would break under my weight.

 

Jesus stood with me in the middle of the room with me and I looked around as rain dripped in through the cracks in the ceiling.

 

Jesus turned to me and said “I want to mend your broken home, Lee, if you will let me we can make this better.”

 

I wept for the state of my heart, finally seeing it for what it was, untended and unloved.

 

“Yes Jesus, I want to be healed, show me how we can make my heart better.”

 

After this vision, Jesus took me on a journey of healing through understanding what God thought of me, through taking me in visions to past memories and he showed me where he was during times where I was alone and felt abandoned. God healed my emotions through revisiting past memories until one day he took me back to my house in a visitation.

 

I stood with Jesus at the picket fence of my house again but this time it was painted white, the broken parts had been straightened and the garden was neatly tended into garden beds and roses were beginning to grow.

 

Jesus opened the white wooden gate for me and I walked along the gravel path towards the porch. I noticed the porch swing was still broken but we walked through the front door into the main room. The broken floor boards were replaced and were all stripped back ready for decoration. The walls were bare and the windows were repaired. The holes in the ceiling were made good and Jesus turned to me and said, “We did it Lee. We repaired your house. Now, how would you like to build it?”

 

I looked around at the bare walls, the new floor boards and the sun that shone through the windows.

 

“Jesus, I would like to build my heart on wisdom and knowledge of God. I want to know your ways.”

 

Jesus smiled and the walls were immediately painted white and a lacquer finish appeared on the floorboards.

 

“You have chosen well Lee, we can build this house through righteousness. Choose the Kingdom and it will establish for you a good house. Through righteousness we will build this house and establish it.”

 

As I pondered Jesus’ words, I found myself back on Earth away from the vision. I read the gospels, looking for the meaning of Jesus’ words, to seek righteousness, to seek the Kingdom of God. I meditated on my heart and how I reflected the Kingdom of God inside me and then I realised to build my house in righteousness, I needed to build my heart in righteousness, which meant choosing the things I wanted to be characterized by.

 

So I made a list of the things I wanted to be known for in my character: kind, generous, forgiving, patient, integrity, cheerful… the list went on and I realised I intended to build my house according to Phillipians 4:8 and 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 8. I also wanted my house, which reflected my heart, to be a place where many would find refuge and feel safe, a place of hospitality and somewhere that people could come to find the presence of God.

 

During my next visit to my heavenly home, I noticed the garden had flourished, the swing on the porch was fixed and Jesus was sitting on it.

 

“Come join me,” Jesus called out and I ran up the steps to sit with him on the swing. “Let the sun kiss your face Lee, feel the Father’s joy and love as we sit here.”

 

I sat with Jesus enjoying the sun while in the distance I watched people walking through fields, picking flowers, laughing and chasing each other. The joy of heaven had filled the area around the outside of my house and Jesus wanted me to rest and bask in the Father’s presence with him.